I had to say goodbye last night, to the greatest nonchild I’ve ever had.
I’m not a mother but I feel like one.
She’s not my daughter but it feels like she is.
I am the worst non-mother.
I left her. For something she doesn’t understand.
I’m so sorry.
I wanted to stay.
I wanted to stay with you forever.
I wanted to wake you up in the morning and feed you breakfast.
I wanted to brush your hair and tie it up with ribbons.
I wanted to read you bedtime stories.
I wanted to collect leaves and play Dutch blitz.
There are so many things I wanted to do with you.
I loved you like a daughter.
I have to go now, though.
In pursuit of another career.
The life of a nanny is a cruel one.
But at the same time, it’s a gift.